Here In My Little Corner of The Country

Remember that show Growing Up Gotti? It was some aggravating excuse for Victoria Gotti and her sons to be on television? Anyway, my town's famous for having spawned that particular epidemic.  The first year the Tickle Me Elmo plush came out, we couldn't get any because John Gotti Jr. had snapped them all up.  Anyway, there was this one time years ago that my youngest sister was having her Sweet Sixteen party at a restaurant and they were filming that show at the restaurant so the management thought it would be a nice surprise to have the boys come down and visit the party.  All the teenaged guests went wild to take pictures with them, while anyone with any sense (self included) was mortified and chugged their drinks, wondering how someone could be that tanning-booth tan without killing every nerve ending in their bodies.

Now, years later, my father's "small wedding" is quickly spiraling out of control (and still do not have a dress for it.) Still don't know the words to the cheesy country song have to sing, and now the piano player's backed out of the whole thing and my father is panicking, asking me over and over do I know anyone who plays piano, and why didn't I stay in practice with the piano?

The minute I get in the door.  "Where have you been?"

"Dance class."

"Since when do you do that?"

"Since I just--"

"Never mind, do you know anyone who plays piano? I really have to fix this."

"Why don't you ask--"

"I mean I really have to fix this.  We've only got a few weeks, and I've got to re-cement the walkway.  Don't you think that the rental for the bridesmaids is in a bad neighborhood?"

"No, actually.  I told you last week that it's a block away from the dance studio."

"What dance studio?"

"The dance studio, where I take--"

"Since when do you do that?"

"Well, actually, since you asked, I was just saying--"

"Never mind, do you know anyone who plays piano?"

It's positively maddening.  You have to eat three chocolate donuts and down a soda or vanilla seltzer just to be able to answer without socking anyone in the mouth. 

Anyway, now on the dry-erase board in the kitchen (which is the method he prefers to communicate; it makes it easier for him to get angry and yell when people don't see it right away) he has written in red ink:

- PIANO PLAYER.

The middle sister found this all wildly amusing, and decided to add some wedding ideas of her own in red ink:

- belly dancer (there are some embarrassing pictures somewhere in the world of my inebriated 20-something father dancing with a belly dancer at someone's stag party)
- Shazam! (80s pop band that my uncle and his fiancee spared no expense to have at their circus-like wedding reception, among other acts.  They are now divorced.)

The youngest sister thought this was all great fun as well, and illustrated what she thought would be fun in blue ink:

- palm reader
- snake charmer

There was a drawing of a snake charmer and a snake in a basket underneath the list. 

I wondered myself if I'd be less stressed out if I also acted as if this were all funny instead of hideous.  I added my own thoughts in yellow ink:

- free ice cream bar
- the Gotti boys

Naturally, when I was on the sofa eating a Swiss Roll listening to "Ready Room Disco" on my new Battle of the Planets soundtrack, he stalked through the living room.  "Very funny," he said to me, as if the whole thing had been my idea instead.

Nope, not funny.  Still hideous.

Share your theme song.
Submitted by Calley.

 

 

Every Day Is Halloween

Ministry

Never drink on a Monday.  It makes Tuesday virtually unbearable because even an act as simple as brushing your teeth will make you want to tense up, drop the toothbrush, vomit into the sink and collapse to the floor.  Even riding the elevator was like slow-motion torture.  The urge to force open the doors, run out into the street and collapse on the asphalt panting was just too strong.  Turning round every time someone called me made the tiny chirping cuckoos that had seemingly taken up residence in my head angry.  I hadn't thought I was so far gone last night.  Olivia said I wasn't, but then again Olivia was leaning over the bar trying to wheedle free appetizers from the management and was in much the same state as I was.

What I do remember is that I spent the majority of the train ride home laughing at everything I saw, and I remember catching a glimpse of myself in the reflective glass of the subway doors and turning this way and that, amazed by the beautiful creature I saw there.  This evening, I realized that it was absolutely true still--it was no trick of drink or careful tooling of makeup but had just suddenly and finally come true.  I am beautiful.

And for some reason, it just made me so angry.  All I could remember were stupid lies from years ago.  Things like, "I'm falling for you," and "Don't break my heart", and all this other unfair stuff that happened to the beautiful girl in the subway door.  It made me so angry.  Some brass ring.  It's never enough.  So beautiful, and it's never enough.

Imagine that!

If you could do anything you want tomorrow, what would it be?
Submitted by Becca-Pink.

Lay out in a meadow and feel the sun on me till I felt sleepy, then roll over and listen to the trees come alive in the wind.

Show us something in your house from the 1970s.

That's easy! Bird, go!

 

I'm actually watching the English-dubbed Gatchaman right now *^_^* It took me for ever to get the boxed volume 4 I had been wanting, because the original seller tried to give me the run around and then I had to get my money back and buy it from somewhere else.  Anyway, I'd finally gotten two minutes to myself to watch some of it without my entire family making annoying comments, and I had totally forgotten how much fun G-Force is.  The villains are absolutely ridiculous but the murder plots are downright scary.  The mecha are laughable but the intrigue and mystery surrounding Red Impulse, the Devil Stars, the woefully underused Blackbirds, and especially Ken's missing father and the murder of the Darings, more than makes up for it.

I didn't realize volume 4 contrived to make a double catch for me--in addition to the Jigokillers arc (the one with the people-eating flowers) that I'm so fond of, volume 4 also contains the utterly hilarious "Murder Music", in which Galactor kidnaps the rock band the Demon 5 (misspelled DN5 on the American version and the drum set in the Japanese Gatch.  I named my band on Guitar Hero "Demon 5".) in order to play Sosai X's killer sonic song from their giant organpipe mecha.  My favorite part has to be Berg Katse (the purple one with the ears) instructing the Demon 5 how to play the murder music, in which he is redubbed with all sorts of ridiculous 70s rock band slang, right up to telling them to "kick out the jams" when they are forced by brainwashing helmets to start to play.  "And to the young lady who's singing," he says, "I don't care what sort of crap comes out of your mouth, but you can't make any intelligible words.  Got that?" XD Maybe the only thing funnier is him telling Ace, "Hasta la vista, bird boy!" as he escapes, or maybe the part where the sonic mecha blows up and Katse smacks both fists on the console and barks, "Dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit!" 

I don't care what all those prissypaws sub-religious anime fans say.  Dubbing makes funny anime even funnier. *^_^* Bird scramble! XD

I don't know what it is about weddings, but it's like the minute someone gets a ring on their finger or puts a ring on someone else's it's like they go completely mad.  And it's not self-contained madness, either--it spreads like a contagion until all involved are so hopelessly entangled in it that they can't escape.  Suddenly it is no longer their wedding but our wedding and you can't walk into a room without someone asking you where they can go to dye shoes that they bought in another state, or they're asking you if you can write an entire scroll in calligraphy, or they want to make sure you're okay with taking a microphone at the reception since they don't want to pay an extra four hundred dollars for an MC, or they want your opinion on plastic party favors from Oriental Trading when they're supposed to be wishing you a happy birthday.

Look, it's not like I think we should be giving people $1400 sofas.  But nobody put a gun to my father's head and said he had to give them the sofa.  He's just looking for any excuse to decry that wedding and bring attention back to his own wedding.  (Also, apparently getting engaged means all parties involved reduce everything to level of teen.  Things are definitely getting bad when I am expected to be the grown-up.)

And then there's the whole shower business.  I don't see how showers are so great in this day and age.  Begging everyone's pardon, but where in the Wonderful Big Giant Book Of Unspeakable Horrors does it say that people should get prizes from their friends for getting married? You're getting married--your groom is the prize.  Personally, I'd take a good-looking guy with strong arms over a Crock-Pot any day.  Who in hell really wants a Crock-Pot?

(I can't give my father and his bride a Crock-Pot, they got one for Christmas.  I would also like to know where in the Wonderful Big Giant Book of Unspeakable Horrors that it says the only acceptable thing to give as a wedding-present is a Crock-Pot.  Now I can't think of anything else to give them.  Please don't ask me about the cake thing.  I can't talk about it without my vision clouding with rage, and that makes me trip on things.)

What I'm saying is that when I had my apartment, I wasn't getting it because I was getting married.  I was getting it because I had temporarily taken leave of my sanity, which is a whole other story that everyone has either already heard or will not get to hear.  The point is, I didn't have a shower and therefore the cups in my cupboard don't really match, especially since I broke four or five of them the last couple of days I was in the apartment and drinking all the rest of the alcohol that was in the fridge.  In fact, I broke so many of them that I ended up with none and had to drink the last of the Chardonnay out of the measuring cup, which was made of Pyrex and therefore sturdier against my drunken shenanigans.  Just try and picture me in a completely empty apartment with a giant trash bag full of stuff, a television on the floor next to an air mattress and me in cutoffs and a bra drinking Chardonnay out of a measuring cup.  (Matt pictured it as "the most embarrassing story ever! How come you never told me about this? I love it!")

Anyway, I never took the cups that my father was trying to push on me.  Not just because of their totally un-hip ladybug design but also because they were made of that funny kind of plastic that always tastes dusty.  What he did manage to push on to me were about seven non-matching forks, four non-matching knives, some spoons and a rusty can opener that didn't really go with anything.  The only reason my awesome black dishes and bowls and coffee cups and excellent scallop-shell serving plate match is because it took me about two hours at the Salvation Army to find them all and wrestle one of the cups away from an old lady.  So I didn't get to have a shower or anything.  How come? Are showers only a prize you get to have when you get married? It's not like not being married makes me a bad person or anything.  (Really, that's more about the trashy cutoffs and bra drinking out of the measuring cup thing.)

What I'm saying is, the thing with bridal showers is that it's sort of an unspoken reality that everyone hates them.  The only one who has any fun is the bride, and that's only because she's getting tons of junk to fill up her cupboards with.  Everyone else just sort of makes polite small talk and waits for it to be over.  Or, if you're like me, you head straight for the bar and hope like hell that the hors d'ouerves are something awesome like sate sticks or bruschetta instead of cheese and pineapples bespined with toothpicks. 

Bear in mind that this has nothing to do with whether or not we like the bride.  More often than not, we actually think the bride is really cool, and it's because we like her so much that we suffer through the intolerable bore of a shower so she can collect her loot.  I mean, even she'd be bored if she weren't getting all that stuff.  Like when you come back after trick-or-treats and everyone dumps their bags out onto Christine's mom's living-room carpet?

I don't have anything to wear to the horror events either.  I spent this entire evening in Valley Stream trying to shop for an outfit for stage one, the first shower, and couldn't find a damn thing.  This is, of course, in no way my fault.  This is simply the universe trying to make it impossible for Princess to at least make it through the horror events looking gorgeous (especially since family seems intent on parading Princess around rather than letting her stare quietly at a piece of bread until the festivities are over.) EMPIRE WAISTS.

I didn't work so hard to get back down to 120 lbs. just so everything could have an empire waist.  I don't care how thin you are, empire waists make everyone look like they are about to give birth.  Just my luck--Smug Marriedness has allied with my other mortal enemy, Smug Motherhood, to turn even my weight-loss victories into tragedy.  Just because every celebrity suddenly thinks it's cool to have a baby, I am now suffering from dresses that are too small in the bust and too billowy in the waist.  What happened to my generation of girls? I am a victim of Cosmopolitan culture, and I have been taught relentlessly for years that it is not okay to be fat.  Now, all these dresses are contradicting what has been hammered into my head all these years (that every single thing I eat is an indulgence and eating it an act of weakness) and nothing fits me.

Dozens of Oreo Cakesters left uneaten, countless afternoons skipping lunch, just so everything could have an empire waist.  I feel like a scientist who's just realized her entire life's work has been a complete failure.

Stage one shower on Saturday kicks off the whole circus, and I still don't have anything to wear.  I am going to have to leave the country or something.

What's the hardest part about the role you play in your family?

My family constantly accuses me of being "the hero".  They don't mean it as a compliment, but I take it as one anyway--someone's got to pull everyone's fat out of the fire when they constantly get themselves into messes which sometimes snowball so much that they knock everyone else's lives out of alignment in addition to getting themselves into all sorts of trouble and you know things are getting bad when it's up to me to be the diplomat and even when I'm the only one who can help or who's even willing to help they don't appreciate it and accuse me of meddling and overstepping my station so they yell at me and AAAAARGH!

Why do you blog?
Submitted by littleduckling.

Because then I feel like my friends and I who are scattered all over the fifty states are sitting around a table in Cavern Hole instead. *^_^*

Show us what you'd most like to see delivered by UPS today.

Come on! I'm waiting!! *^_^*

Show us a collection.

I don't have pictures because everything's in storage right now, but I'm pretty proud of my Ronin Warriors collection, my anime collection, and my Danny Phantom collection (I do have a picture of that actually.)

Firestar’s Yoroiden Samurai Troopers/Ronin Warriors collection:

 

A replica of the Halo no-dachi

Ronin Warriors UFO catcher plush:

• Ryo
• Sage
• Cye
• Kento
• Rowen

Yoroiden Samurai Troopers/Ronin Warriors TV Series episodes 1-39 DVD Bandai perfect box set, including all three OVAs (Gaiden, Kikoutei Densetsu, Message)

Yoroiden Samurai Troopers manga volume 1

Yoroiden Samurai Troopers manga volume 2

 

Informational/Promotional Books/Magazines

Yoroiden Samurai Troopers Memorials Volume 1

Yoroiden Samurai Troopers Memorials Deluxe (without VHS)

Dai Jiten (Encyclopedia, Rapport Deluxe)

Samurai Troopers Selections volume 2

Samurai Troopers Selections volume 3

Troopers’ Character book

Message volume 1

Message volume 2

Rekka no Omoi

Perfection Aizou Hozon Ban

Promotion

Illustration

Kikoutei Densetsu (Rapport Deluxe)

Samurai Troopers New York hen (Rapport Deluxe, Gaiden film book)

Bonnoukyou Paradise

Shutsujin Samurai Troopers Illustrations

Animerica vol. 10, issue 5, May 2002, Ronin Warriors special

The Legend of Kikoutei

Yoroi no Gaiden novel (Keibunsha)

 

Doujinshi/Fan comics

“Feel” Seiji x Nasuti doujinshi

“Angel’s Ring” Seiji x Nasuti doujinshi

“Four Seasons” Seiji x Nasuti Ryo x Kayura doujinshi

“Primula” Seiji x Nasuti doujinshi

“Trial” Seiji x Nasuti doujinshi

Choudandou Bakuhatsu Yoroiden Samurai Troopers Kessakushuu

Samurai Animate Collection 14

Yoroi to Sakura

Yoroiden Samurai Troopers Tokushuugou

Yoroiden Samurai Troopers Message Tokushuugou

Troopers Gekito-Sen

Troopers Ninpo-Cho

Troopers Hanafubuki

Troopers Yukigeshiki

Samurai Kids vol. 5

Samurai Kids vol. 11

Samurai Kids vol. 12

Samurai Kids vol. 16

Samurai Kids vol. 17

Samurai Kids vol. 18

Samurai Kids vol. 24

Samurai Kids vol. 25

Samurai Kids vol. 27

“Maxwell’s Silver Hammer” Laim Company

“Black Bird” Laim Company

“Try Again” Laim Company

“I Me Mine” Laim Company

“I Want To Hold Your Hand” Laim Company

“Imagine” Laim Company

“Get Back” Laim Company

“Help” Laim Company

“I’ll Be Back” Laim Company

“Dakishi Meraretai” Laim Company, Masho-centric

“Yesterday” Laim Company

“Nasty Girl” Aiola Sisters

“Nasty Baby” Aiola Sisters

“Her Mother Comes Home” Aiola Sisters

“High Heel” Aiola Sisters

“The North Wind and the Sun” Aiola Sisters

Two additional Aiola doujinshi whose titles I am unable to read.   

A Kiteretugumi Rowen-centric doujinshi back when Tachibana was going by the name of Kaim Date whose title I am unable to read.

 

Firestar’s Anime Collection (not counting videos and DVDs)

 

Sailor Moon:

 

Musical Star Locket (Bandai Japan)

Cosmic Crescent Wand (Bandai USA)

Cosmic Crescent Wand with Mars and Mercury rings (Bandai Japan)

Crescent Moon Wand from the live-action Sailor Moon film (Bandai Japan)

Moon Scepter (Bandai USA)

Musical Compact (Bandai USA)

Crescent Moon Jewelry Box (Bandai USA)

Sailor Moon Tokyopop Manga #1

Sailor Moon Tokyopop Manga #2

Sailor Moon plushies

-          Sailor Moon

-          Sailor Mercury

-          Sailor Mars

-          Sailor Jupiter

-          Tuxedo Mask

-          Luna

Rini/Chibimoon metal lunch box

1 Sailor Moon wall scroll

Sailor Moon keychains

            - Sailor Moon

            - Tuxedo Mask

            - Luna

Sailor Moon trading cards (fiberglass cases)

-          Princess Serena

-          Tuxedo Mask

-          Sailor V

And of course my Sailor Moon pillowcase, sheets and comforter (I can’t find the comforter though.)

 

Non-licensed Sailor Moon items (cosplay):

Sailor Moon R earrings

Sailor Moon R tiara

 

Inuyasha

 

Inuyasha manga #1

Inuyasha Ani-manga #8

Shikon jewel necklace

Inuyasha plushies

-          Inuyasha

-          Kirara

 

Tenchi Muyo!

 

Ryo-Ohki plush

Ken-Ohki plush

 

Bleach

 

Bleach Orihime aster clips

 

Cardcaptor Sakura

 

CLOW book with cards

 

Death Note

 

Death Note necklace “L”

 

Pokemon

 

Pokemon comic #1 “The Electric Tale of Pikachu”

Pokemon plushies

-          Pikachu

-          Jigglypuff

-          Mew

 

Yu-Gi-Oh!

 

Millennium Puzzle necklace

Shonen Jump vol. 1 – 30

Yu-Gi-Oh manga (Italian)

 

And my DP collection: